


Closing the distance

by Nikocat



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Shiro (Voltron), Bottom Keith (Voltron), Depression, Dom Shiro (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Sex, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Has BPD, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Kuron is Shiro (Voltron)'s Clone, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Pidge | Katie Holt, Other, Past Abuse, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Power Bottom Keith (Voltron), Praise Kink, Protective Shiro (Voltron), Self-Harm, Sex, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Space Mom Allura (Voltron), Sub Keith (Voltron), Team as Family, Top Shiro (Voltron), Trauma, power bottom lotor, switch lotor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-01-19 00:12:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12399135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikocat/pseuds/Nikocat
Summary: Keith loves Shiro, Shiro loves Keith. But when Shiro disappears again, Keith's world turns upside down. Tensions rise, emotions flare, and Keith feels more alone and confused than ever. Things aren't fitting into place quite right and Keith's feelings towards Lance become complicated to say the least. Betrayal, angst, and sexual tension ensue, Leaving Keith in a place he never thought he'd be.





	1. Just can't get enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Shiro get intimate with each other. Is it enough to pull Keith out of his self loathing?

Shiro commended the team on a job well done. They really had been working as a cohesive unit, not just a bunch of teens playing soldier. Shiro had hoped that all their hard work, all their training would culminate into an impressive offensive strike. He was justified in thinking so, today after all, went extremely well. 

“Well done, guys. We could all use some down time after taking out that supply chain, huh?” Shiro said; his tone calm and reassuring. 

“Yeah, we were fucking awesome!” Exclaimed Lance. “Hunk, your shoulder cannon was all PEW PEW PEW! Kuh-shoo!”

He lept up from the ground, pointing his arm in various directions. Mimicking a blaster, he took out imaginary Galra. Lance’s antics soon had the team in stitches, even Keith let out a subdued laugh. 

“I almost forgot how terrified I was! I mean I didn’t even throw up this time.” Hunk joked, wiping a tear from his eye.

“I can’t believe the plan actually worked… I mean I can because we went over it one hundred times, but there were so many variables that–– ah fuck it, I’m starting to sound like Slav.” Pidge clutched their sides, trying not to laugh so hard at their own realization.

“We really did great work today, team.” 

Keith looked down at the floor, away from Shiro, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing. He put his hand behind his head, his body language betraying him.

“See, even Keith thinks it was cool!”

Lance proceed to jab him in the ribs, provoking the wrath of Keith. Shiro could see the daggers shooting in Lance’s direction.

“Alright you two, that’s enough. Keith, why don’t you hit the showers.” 

Shiro’s gentle reprimanding broke through the tension. Lance semi- apologized, offering a hand out to keith who was slightly taken aback by the gesture. Keith in turn half brushed off the incident. Lance turned to Pidge, asking if they wanted to try to set up the video game they got at the space mall for the 50th time. Pidge obliged, hopeful that the game would work this time. Hunk announced he was going to bed. Stretching sleepily, he dragged himself out of the bridge. Keith proceeded to head toward the showers, glancing back at Shiro who nodded at him just before announcing he was turning in for the night. 

Keith waited in the bathroom, knowing that the look Shiro gave him meant that he would meet him down there. The wait felt like an eternity. Ever since the trials of Marmora, Keith felt he needed Shiro now more than ever. He could feel his heart thumping inside his chest. He hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Shiro after the trials, but he desperately needed to. It was eating him up inside. Keith was afraid that Shiro wouldn’t love him anymore because he wasn’t human. He was afraid that the visions he had of Shiro during the trial were his true feelings. Keith pushed back the tears, he didn’t want to appear weak in front of his superior, weakness makes you disposable.  
He heard the mechanical sound of the doors opening. He hoped it was Shiro, but he couldn’t be certain.

“Keith?”  
He lifted his head, locking eyes with Shiro. The two stared at each other for a moment before Keith rose from the floor. Shiro looked down at him, pulling Keith into his chest. He breathed in Keith’s hair, stroking the back of his head as he planted kisses on the crown. He just held him, feeling the heat of their bodies. Shiro put his finger under Keith’s chin and tilted his head up towards him.

“I know.” He said.  
Tears re-appeared in Keith’s eyes. He couldn’t hold his emotions back, he never could. He wrapped his arms around Shiro’s neck, the later slouching to close the distance. Shiro caressed Keith’s cheek with his thumb, wiping away his tears. 

“Shiro, I--”  
Shiro cut him off, putting his index finger over Keith’s lips. He put his hand behind Keith’s neck, the long hair brushing his fingers. He pulled him close and forced his tongue into Keith’s mouth. Keith ceased being tense, his body melted into Shiro’s embrace. Keith put his hand on the one behind his neck, interlocking fingers with Shiro. Keith kissed him back, his pain masked as passion. He bit Shiro’s lip, pulling away and then returning for more.

“Keith, please. I know you’re hurting, talk to me.”  
He ignored Shiro, continuing to kiss him. He traced Shiro’s scar, a pained expression rising in his eyes. 

“Shiro, do you hate me now, too?”

“Keith… how could I hate you? No one here hates you.”

“Allura hates me. And I’m pretty sure Lance hates me, too. I don’t know, I just don’t want to lose you.” He couldn’t bare to look at Shiro as the words escaped his mouth. He’s afraid of being vulnerable, even with the man he loves. 

“Keith, don’t you ever think for a second that I could possibly hate you. I know you’re scared, but you don’t have to be… not with me.”

Shiro led him over to the showers. He turned the water on, waiting for it to be warm enough. Dropping his towel, he stepped in. He held his hand out to Keith, though Keith hesitated. Keith clutched his towel, he’s timid and it showed. Shiro kept his arm extended, he didn’t want to force him into anything. Finally, Keith relaxed. Sheepishly he discarded the towel. He doesn’t know why he felt so flustered, Shiro had seen him naked plenty of times before. Maybe it was because he himself felt alien? 

He took Shiro in with his eyes, surveying his features. The steam of the shower partially obscured their bodies, but Keith could tell Shiro was turned on. He put his hand on Shiro’s thigh and slowly inched it towards his cock. 

“Fuck me, Shiro. I want you to fuck me.”  
Shiro grabbed Keith, almost as though they were sparring, and turned him towards the wall. He pushed Keith’s face away, taking him from behind. He thrusted his hips forward, feeling Keith’s body react to the force. It started gently and progressively became more rough. Keith moaned, his eyes shutting tightly and his body jolting each time Shiro pushed himself into Keith.

“I want you to hurt me.” Keith breathed between moans.

Gently Shiro asked “Keith are you sure that’s what you want? 

“Just do it!”  
Shiro pulled Keith’s hair, yanking it hard. A pained expression appeared on his face, then a smile.

“Is that why your hair’s long?” Shiro smirked.

“Maybe…” Keith teased.

Shiro continued to thrust back and forth, feeling Keith writhing beneath him. Shiro bit his lip, he could feel the tension and release between his and Keith’s bodies. His heart began to race and body twitched with pleasure. Shiro couldn’t contain it any longer, he felt his body let go. 

“Keith, I’m gonna cum.” 

Euphoria surged through him and he knew Keith felt it too. Shiro looked up at the ceiling, the clean whiteness engulfing him as he lost himself to Keith. He released his grip, allowing Keith to slide down the shower wall and onto the floor. He looked down at him, noticing how much of a man he had become. Shiro slipped down next to him and laid his head in Keith’s lap. He ran his fingers through his wet hair and pushed it back behind his ear.  
“You’re really special, you know that right?”

“Shiro… don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not. I believe in you, Keith. I love you.”

“Why? I’m no good, Shiro. You said it yourself… I can’t control my emotions.”

Shiro frowned, squeezing shampoo into his hands. He began lathering Keith’s hair. 

“Keith, if I didn’t believe in you I wouldn’t ask you to lead Voltron if anything happened to me. I know you have the strength inside you to be a capable leader… I’ve seen you do it.”

“Shiro, you don’t think I’m selfish do you? He frowned slightly, remembering the trials of Marmora.

“Selfish? Aren’t we all sometimes? Honestly Keith, I don’t think that. I do think that you let your emotions rule you which can come off as selfish to those who don’t know you, but to me… I know those emotions are driven by compassion. You care very deeply, sometimes too much.”

“Shit, Shiro… You fucking know more about me than I do. I guess I am a hot head.” 

Keith smiled a bit, letting the water wash away some of his doubts. In this moment he truly believed Shiro.

Shiro turned off the water. He and Keith stared at each other for a few more moments until Keith grabbed him a towel. Shiro watched Keith ruffle his hair dry l before he kissed him, embracing him for a few more moments. He walked him back to his room, and kissed him gently on the forehead before saying goodnight. That night both he and Keith slept soundly for the first time in ages. Neither had flashbacks or nightmares, just restful sleep.

In the morning, Shiro waited at the table for the other paladins to wake up. He talked with Coran about yesterday’s battle and how proud he was of the team. Coran remarked that they were really shaping up and that his doubts now seemed distant. Allura sat with both of them, feeling a sense of pride and camaraderie between them. Not long after did Pidge, Hunk, and Lance join them for breakfast. Hunk looked around and noted that Keith wasn’t there. 

“Yeah… that’s odd because Keith is usually one of the first ones up and Lance is usually the late one.” Pidge replied

“Hey! That’s not fair! I’m not always late… okay, I guess I’m late more than I thought.” Lance retorted.  
The sound of doors opening and closing disrupted the inquisition. The paladins, Coran, and Allura turned around to find Keith, still in his pajamas. It was quite the unusual scene. Something seemed off to everyone but Shiro. 

“Morning, Princess.” Sneered Lance. 

“But Allura’s the princess…” 

“It’s an expression, Coran.” Lance rubbed his temples. 

Keith meekly waved and sat down at the table. Peeking out from his tank top and on his neck were several nice purplish bruises. Shiro pretended not to notice, looking away from Keith.

“Did you go down to train with the Gladiator this morning, Keith?” Allura questioned.

Shiro spit his water all over the table, his face was sheet white. Keith turned bright red, not quite knowing what to say.

“You ok, Shiro?” Lance said suspiciously.

“I’m fine, I just… I just wasn’t expecting, well I wasn’t expecting to see Slav sitting here...at the table.”

Slav looked up from the other end, rolling his eyes. 

"Oh this must be that reality..." He said scribbling down equations. 

Luckily for Shiro today was the day before the team was supposed to attack Zarkon’s central command. So Slav being in the castle, though frustrating, actually saved a lot of explanation.

“Yeah… that’s where I was this morning.” 

Keith’s inability to successfully lie was evident, but no one wanted to push it further. Team Voltron was taking on Zarkon tomorrow and had no time to ponder Keith’s hickeys, er… bruises.

To Be Continued...


	2. Alien like me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's uneasiness comes to a boiling point. Shiro is at a loss, how does he help him, how does he keep his cool? Lance and Keith's rivalry transforms into something more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this took so long! School, work, and personal health got in the way. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. More to come soon, I promise!

Keith was restless. He felt the anxiety rooting itself in the pit of his stomach. Tomorrow Voltron would take the fight to Zarkon. Were they even ready? Were they capable? Keith tried to replay Shiro’s lectures and pep talks, hoping his qualms would subside, but they didn’t. He was dreading each tick of the clock, wishing time wouldn’t pass at all. He didn’t want it to reach the evening. His nightmares had gotten worse lately; repeating images of earth being destroyed by the Galra, Voltron failing, the other paladins perishing, and worst of all Shiro dying. Keith knew that if anything happened to Shiro it would all be over: not just Voltron, but Keith’s reason for living. He saw no point in sticking around if Shiro wasn’t there with him, even if he did trust Keith to take over the black lion. 

Keith listened to the conversation between Kolivan, Allura, Coran, and Shiro. He knew he was present, he knew he was standing in the bridge. He looked at his feet, they were firmly planted on the floor, yet he felt as though he was somewhere else. Kolivan’s mouth was moving, but Keith couldn’t make out the words. Everything felt dream-like, fake almost. He could feel the sensation of being alive and it made him uncomfortable. Keith could feel the blood circulating throughout his body, the oxygen in his lungs, the weight of his hands. He was hyper aware of his body and outside of it all at once. Shiro turned slightly, sensing something was awry. He was taken aback at the sight of Keith. No one else would have known that Keith was dissociating, but Shiro did, he could tell.

He put his hand on Keith’s shoulder, forcefully squeezing it, but not enough for anyone else to take notice. Keith looked up, a sort of blank look painted on his face.

“Keith, I can count on you right?” Shiro tried to make it seem as though Keith was processing the information. No one would be the wiser. 

It took a moment, but Shiro’s firm grasp zapped Keith back to reality. He blinked rapidly, trying to play off what he thought seemed like an obvious display of nerves. He placed his hand on top of Shiro’s.

“Always,” He smiled, attempting to appear confident in front of the higher officers.

Shiro felt his own sense of unease starting surge. He breathed through his nose and smiled back at Keith, patting his shoulder in the process. Shiro knew he had to appear strong and level headed. How could he command his team to have faith when he had so little? He kept repeating words over in his head, small mantras that served to calm him. He motioned for Keith to come join the circle and go over the plans. Keith obliged, hoping going over strategy would help him relax. Soon Lance, Pidge, and Hunk joined in as well. Outwardly they all appeared unphased, it made Keith doubt himself, but he kept telling himself that they were probably just as terrified as he was. 

They had only just left Olkarion, meaning their mission was just under a day away. The closer it loomed, the more tense the energy in the castle seemed. Even the Blades were on edge. Shiro studied the young Paladins, gauging what he might say, what they might need to hear. Those words would have to come tomorrow, right before the heat of battle. Pidge and Lance obviously masked their unease with humor, Hunk accompanying them occasionally. Shiro was versed in deflecting fear with humor, though not in the same way, he was more self deprecating. He knew Keith wasn’t capable of bringing levity in times like these, he had to find a way to get Keith refocused.

After the meeting concluded, Shiro approached Keith. His face was warm and understanding, something Keith desperately needed right now. 

“Do you want to hit the training deck, just you and me?” 

Keith managed a small nod. He was grateful to get away for a bit, to clear his head. 

“Yeah, I need to get focused for tomorrow...”

Lanced turned around, hearing his idol and his rival bonding. It made his blood boil. Lance was jealous of their closeness, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. He was best friends with Hunk and Pidge, but he missed his family. He thought on it more, questioning his feelings. He knew his envy was different than being homesick or left out.

“You’re not going down there without me! Gotta have your sharp shooter in tip-top shape, too!” 

Lance’s confidence was a front. It always has been. He hoped other people couldn’t see through his ruse. He knew he was over the top sometimes, maybe that’s what made him likeable? After the words left his mouth, Lance noticed Keith’s discomfort. Did he push it too far again?

“What, you don’t like the idea of me kicking your ass, Mullet? You afraid? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure Shiro was gonna go easy on you.” Lance winked, exuding cockiness that was all but subtle.  
Shiro stifled a laugh, “Alright Lance, come on down with us.” 

He looked to Keith, hoping he didn’t just upset him more. To Shiro’s surprise, Keith smirked and shrugged:

“You’re on Lance, but you’re the one who’s ass is getting handed to him.”  
“Oh, You’re going down, Keith!”

Lance bolted down to the training deck, skidding across the metal floor of the ship, forgetting to compensate balance for speed. Shiro and Keith strolled leisurely behind him, they were in no hurry. Shiro looked at Keith and shrugged his shoulders. Sometimes Lance was an enigma. He was a welcome distraction though. Keith could always count on Lance to lighten the mood, even if it got annoying. Annoying was better than terrified. There was something comforting about Lance, something familiar. It made Keith uneasy. It confused him. He wasn’t sure what these feelings meant, hell he never really understood any of his feelings except for the ones attached to Shiro.

“You guys ready?” Shiro opened the door to the training deck.

“Born ready.” Keith smirked at Lance.

Keith’s tone was cold and focused. Training was his escape. He disliked talking about his problems, preferring to take them out physically. The trio entered the arena, readying their weapons. The gladiator dropped from the ceiling, wielding it’s weapon off the bat. It came at them full force, ensuring they had to work together. The robot swung at Lance, who lacked a close range weapon, but he was quicker than the machine and sidestepped the potential strike. Shiro remarked that he was impressed with how Lance had improved, boosting his ego. Keith rolled his eyes, clearly jealous that Shiro was giving Lance praise for his (in Keith’s opinion) lackluster close combat skills. The gladiator prepared another strike, this time aiming at Keith. Keith was prepared for the potential blow and braced himself for the force of the strike.

The swing was stronger than he anticipated, knocking him in the chest and to the floor. He felt the air leave his lungs. His chest was tight and his ribs ached. He was taken aback to say the least. Lance couldn’t help but laugh, it was ironic, Keith was always so agile and tactical. Keith scowled, wincing as he tried to get up. Shiro’s attention diverted to his lover, ignoring the threat of the gladiator. It came up behind him, about to strike when Keith managed to find his balance and slice through it full force. Shiro’s eyes widened with a mix of amazement and terror. He was worried Keith was over exerting himself. The training session ended, Keith slid to the floor, clutching his ribs. 

“Keith!” Shiro ran to his side. “Are you ok?”

The young paladin met Shiro’s gaze, grimacing from the pain. He steadied himself on his elbows. 

“I have a lot on my mind…” Keith trailed off. “I thought training might clear my head, but I guess I was wrong.”

Shiro reached out to help Keith up, wrapping his arm around his back. Keith was visibly frustrated. He knew that it was a stupid mistake that he shouldn’t have made. Shiro could tell Keith was beating himself up. He opened his mouth to speak, but he was cut off by Keith’s explosive outburst.

“Fuck!” He pounded his fist against the wall, yelling the word over and over again. His Knuckles began to hurt from the force of the punches. He let out a frustrated scream and kicked the deactivated bot across the room. 

Lance looked puzzled. He was genuinely confused by Keith’s self resentment.

“Hey man, relax. It was a slip up, no big deal.” 

“No big deal? Easy for you to say, fucking up is something you’re pretty good at!”

Lance’s heart sank into his stomach. He knew Keith could be cold and abrasive, but this was just cruel. Shiro noticed how defeated Lance became . He genuinely felt sorry for him, wishing he could take back the biting words Keith just let loose. He sighed, approaching Lance. 

“Lance, I’m really sorry. That was totally uncalled for.” Shiro placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Lance’s expression softened. He knew Keith was under a lot of stress, but the words still stung. Lance tried to find a way to subtly say “fuck you,” but he knew it was no use, it would probably set Keith off more. Instead, Lance tried to do what he does best, he tried to deflect.

“At least I’m likeable. You rub everyone the wrong way.” That sentence came out completely wrong and he knew it.

He swallowed hard, hoping Keith wouldn’t completely fly off the handle. Keith let out a frustrated growl, throwing his hands in the air. His body language was difficult for Lance to read. Was Keith pissed at him? Was he mad at himself? It was unclear. Lance shrunk back a bit just incase he fucked up. Shiro put his hand to his forehead, cradling the bridge of his nose between his fingers. He had obviously lost his patience.

“Lance…” Shiro gave the boy a disapproving look.

“I know, that wasn’t ok.” Lance sheepishly looked at the floor. 

Getting scolded by Shiro didn’t feel good, mostly because it was rare and unexpected. Keith stood across the room with his back to the pair. He was attempting to calm himself down, taking deep breaths, but the blow to his chest was making it difficult. He turned around slowly, to face Lance and Shiro, swallowing hard, his ribs still aching.  
“I––” Keith wasn’t sure how to apologize, or if he really even want to. 

He knew that Shiro wouldn’t scold him too badly if he just sucked it up and said sorry, but something inside told him to forget the whole thing. He really just wanted Lance to leave both of them alone. Letting out a heavy sigh, Keith decided it was best to admit he was wrong.

“Lance, I–– I’m sorry.” The words felt foreign on his tongue.

Lance scratched the back of his head, unsure how to proceed. He wanted to say: “That’s ok, no big deal” but he knew it wasn’t. He wasn’t going to lie, Keith’s words really hurt him, but he couldn’t let Keith know that. Afterall, Lance was supposed to be invincible… well at least emotionally.

“No sweat man, next time though, it’s probably better if you just walk away.” 

He hoped that sounded ok. Lance looked to Shiro, hoping he would approve of the exchange. Shiro smiled at Lance, acknowledging his effort. He breathed a sigh of relief, it was over.

“I think I’m probably going to go… I uh, I promised Hunk I’d help him clean the food goo dispensers…”

Both Shiro and Keith knew that was a lie, but Keith didn’t care, he didn’t want to see Lance right now. As Lance exited the training deck, Shiro came up behind Keith. He put his hand on the small of the young man’s back. Keith tensed up, he wasn’t in the mood to be touched right now. Shiro noticed his discomfort, it worried him.

“Keith, what going on with you?”

Keith stared at his feet, studying the colors on his boots. Shiro put his finger under Keith’s chin, tilting his head up to meet his gaze. He leaned in to kiss him, but Keith pulled away.

“Why are you so apprehensive? Talk to me Keith, you know you can trust me.”

He felt himself getting emotional, Keith hadn’t been like this in a long time. He had been moody, but not distant. Keith sat on the ground, attempting to distance himself. Shiro sunk down beside him, hoping that just sitting with him was enough. Keith’s posture made him look smaller. The mature young man that was with Shiro the night before had slipped away, leaving a young boy. It broke Shiro’s heart. He didn’t know what to say or do. He just sat there in silence. Eventually, Keith turned to look at him, a perplexed expression on his face.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s going on with me. I don’t know how to explain it, Shiro.”

“You don’t have to, Keith.” His voice was calm and reassuring.  
“Last night, when we fucked…” He swallowed hard, not sure how to proceed.

“ Yeah, I noticed you were uncomfortable. I didn’t want to pressure you.” 

“ I wanted to be. Comfortable, I mean. I wanted to be okay with you seeing me, but I wasn’t. I pretended like everything was fine. I don’t know why I lied to you, I never want to lie to you.”

Shiro wrapped his arms around Keith, leaning in to kiss the top of his head. Keith winced, his chest still sore, torso still stinging. Shiro pulled back a bit, not wanting to hurt him, but also not wanting to let him go.

“Keith, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I understand.”

“No, Shiro, you don’t. Finding out I’m part Galra feels like another punch in the gut. It’s hard enough being––”

“Being what, Keith?”

“Being afraid all the time! I’m angry at everything, Shiro! My mom left, my dad’s gone, I thought I lost you… I just feel so fucking alone. Even when I’m with you I’m afraid you’re gonna leave me, too. I know what you said last night and I want to believe you meant it but it’s so fucking hard. I don’t know why I’m like this. I just want to be normal, you know? Happy.” 

Shiro’s brows knit together with sadness. He could tell that Keith was slipping back into old behaviors, behaviors that worried him. He wanted nothing more than to show Keith how much his self doubt was affecting him, how much it hurt him, too. He let out a long sigh, putting his hands behind his head. 

“ I don’t understand why I can’t just be ‘normal,’ Shiro. That’s all I want, I just want to like Lance or Hunk... or you. I feel like a liar, like I’m hiding. Fuck, now I really feel like an alien… I have all my life, but this takes the fucking cake.”

“Keith, I don’t know what to say. I wish I could find the right words to make it all ok, but I’m going to let you in on a secret; I feel alien, too, more than I’d like to admit. You’re not the only one hurting, Keith, trust me. Lance, Hunk, Pidge, they are all going through stuff. You don’t have to go through this alone. Don’t act like you do.”

Keith looked back to Shiro, his face softening as the words sunk in.

“Shiro...I’m sorry. Sometimes my emotions are just so intense, I forget other people have feelings.”  
Shiro acknowledged Keith, his eyes reflecting the sincerity he had just shown him. Keith relaxed, lowering his arms from his chest. He had only just noticed that he had been clutching his sides. Shiro took Keith’s hand, squeezing it tight.

“Show me where it hurts.” Shiro said, his voice teetering between concern and scolding.

Keith began to peel off his shirt. He was having some difficulty due to the pain, but he pushed through. Shiro became speechless as the shirt rolled past Keith’s chest.

“You fucking kidding me!? Keith… I thought you stopped?”

Keith tried to hide the guilty look that was plastered to his face. 

“The pain was too much after Marmora, after finding out I’m part Galra, after hearing what you said... I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t shake the emptiness. I needed to feel… something.”

“No, Keith. Your health is more important.” 

Keith started to cry, unable to push back the tears. Shiro could only stare at him, eyebrows knit with sadness. He was speechless. The fresh cuts that lined Keith’s hips and stomach were still red and starting to scab over. Shiro wanted to scream, he wanted to reprimand him, but he knew that wouldn’t do any good. He sat there blank, unable to speak.

“Shiro, are you mad at me?” 

“Honestly Keith? I don’t know. I guess I’m more shocked than anything… When did you even do this? You weren’t like this last night.”

“This morning, before breakfast.. That’s why I was late. I’m sorry.”

The two men stared at each other, a knowing anxiety bubbling between them. Shiro helped Keith up off the floor, making sure to be extra careful as some of the cuts had begun to bleed again. They exited the training deck, Shiro’s eyes surveying Keith, looking for signs of distress.

“You should really spend some time in a healing pod.” Shiro seemed distant, abrupt even.

Keith nodded, slowly slipping his fingers from Shiro’s hands, the tips brushing his as they trailed apart. Shiro turned away, not saying a word, he headed back to command. Keith could feel the tension, dejected he made a slow trek back to his room. 

On his way through the hallway, he met eyes with Lance. A curious look beginning to appear on the other boy’s face. He approached Keith, feeling bad about what happened earlier. He opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out, quickly prompting him to shut it. Keith held him in his gaze briefly, darting his eyes to the floor as he felt Lance’s eyes regarding him suspiciously.

“What do you want Lance?” His tone was broken, not like the Keith Lance had come to know.

“I–- I just wanted to see if you were okay, man. You took a nasty hit… and I, I just thought I should apologize again for how I acted, that wasn’t cool.” Lances eyes averted Keith’s gaze.

Keith’s expression became one of subdued shock. He wasn’t expecting Lance to be so empathetic.

“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have blown up like that. We good?” Keith held out a hand to Lance, a peace offering.

Lance eyed Keith’s hand, debating whether or not to shake it. He grasped the gloved hand, simultaneously clapping Keith on the shoulder. Keith felt his cheeks go red, something he hadn’t really experienced with Lance before. His stomach felt tight and hot and his heart started racing? He didn’t know what this could mean, but it startled him. He had felt something similar when Lance got injured while fighting Sendak, but he’d brushed it aside. He wasn’t sure he could do the same now. Was this just embarrassment? Was Lance’s sincerity flustering him because he’d never really known how it felt coming from anyone but Shiro? He couldn’t be sure and that bothered him, but there was nothing he could really do other than stand there and grimace. 

Lance could feel Keith’s apprehension, but something inside him found it endearing. He couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, but he knew he was starting to get used to Keith and his brusque nature. Lance swallowed hard, not knowing what else to say. Part of him wanted to hug Keith, to show him that he really did care about him, but the more he pondered this idea, the worse it seemed. Lance held Keith’s hand much longer than necessary, his hand getting clammy. He noticed the sadness and pain in Keith’s eyes and it made him angry for some reason, angry at whoever, or whatever caused the red paladin’s pain. The awkwardness surmounted and Lance offered Keith some heartfelt words:

“Take care of yourself, Mullet.”


	3. All for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Shiro and Keith’s emotional baggage has been taking it’s toll. The pair are trying to reconcile and confront their demons, but their personal battles might be too much. Can they truly be there for each other when shit gets rough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that I haven’t updated this fic in 6 months. I feel so bad. I had a lot of personal issues and tragedies in my life recently and am finally finding a way to be ok again. I hope you enjoy this chapter, I really tried to make up for the lack of content. Lots of steamy Sheith for your reading pleasur.

Keith couldn’t sleep. His mind had been a incoherent hellscape lately and the looming threat of of facing Zarkon in few hours wasn’t helping ease his ceaseless intrusive thoughts. He couldn’t help but replay the recent events over and over in his head, constantly doubting his every action. Why was it so fucking difficult for him to let things go, to move on? He kept replaying his fight with Lance, his abruptness with Shiro, his own insecurities. They ate at him, leaving him in a state of mild panic. He tried to tune out his disquieting thoughts, but nothing was helping, not even the pep talks and mantras Shiro had imparted on him. He breathed a heavy sigh, slowly closing his eyes, he tried to think of something other than the burning anxiety. His mind conjured up thoughts of Shiro; straight to the thought of being held by him, being underneath his sweat-slicked muscular body, looking into Shiro’s eyes when he cums.

Keith slowly inched his hand under the elastic of his boxer briefs, heavy breathes escaping his mouth as he imagined his own hand was Shiro’s. He slid his hand further down, his fingers brushing against his pubic hair, making their way towards the shaft of his dick. He already felt himself getting hard. He worked his hand up and down the shaft, tugging at himself as he clenched his eyes shut. He bit his lip, soft exhales escaping his mouth as his dick became fully erect. He pushed himself off the bed, stumbling towards the wall to balance himself. With his head against the wall and stabilizing himself with one arm, he worked his other arm faster. Forcing himself to picture Shiro’s body, Keith moved his fingers down towards the tip. He rubbed his thumb over the head, now slick with pre-cum. Continuing to touch himself, Keith whispered Shiro’s name followed by breathy apologies. Using the slick pre-cum now coating his hand, he began to finger himself. He looped his pointer finger inside his ass, pumping his hand to feel the inside. He slipped the next finger in and then the other, reaching further this time, hooking his fingers in just the right way. There was a tug behind his navel, his stomach muscles clenched as he worked himself. He began to see white, eyes rolling back in his head as he climaxed. 

Keith let himself slide down the wall, boxer briefs around his ankles. He was sweaty, sticky, and now, thankfully exhausted. He sat on the cool metal floor for a moment, contemplating whether or not to clean himself up before getting back into his bed. The answer was an obvious yes. Gathering himself, Keith made his way to the showers. The mechanical doors whirred open, revealing a seemingly empty bathroom. Stepping inside, Keith peeled off his underwear and hung a towel next to the shower. He let himself melt under the hot water, becoming more relaxed each passing minute. The longer he stood under the spout, the more he realized how exhausted he was, yet he couldn’t bring himself to move. He felt himself slink onto the floor, the cold juxtaposing the steamy heat of the water. He closed his eyes and before he knew it he had dozed off. 

……………………………….

Shiro was restless. He couldn’t shake the impending uneasiness. He couldn’t help but worry about Keith. How did he miss the signs? The same signs from years ago that Keith was crying out for help. It dug at him, reeling around his brain until he could no longer think straight. Shiro pushed himself off the bed, rising to his feet he felt compelled to walk off his malaise. He could hear the hollow ringing of his footsteps as he wandered through the vacant halls of the castle. He felt insignificant, small, and alone. It started to eat away at him. He could feel the anxiety bubbling up in his chest as his heart rate climbed higher, muscles tightening. The hollow ringing grew louder, becoming a tinny echo in his ears, like the ghost of a moment he wished he could forget. The echos became footsteps that didn’t belong to him and cold robotic voices lurking in the darkness. Before his eyes the halls of the castle of lions became a Galra battle cruiser, tinted purple and devoid of any friendliness. Shiro let out a muffled gasp. He clapped his hand over his mouth, trying not to scream. The surmounting fear of being discovered by a sentry patrol fueled his reaction to run. He didn’t want to be tortured again. He wouldn’t let the Galra take him back. 

Shiro took a deep breath. Squeezing his eyes shut he attempted to recall the timing of the patrols and drones. Counting on his fingers as he tapped them against his thigh, he pressed his back against the wall. His head was fuzzy, but the tightness in his chest was telling him to run for it. He listened to his instincts. He ran down the hallways, aiming for stealth as he ducked into corners. His body was trembling. Shiro could feel his muscles contracting as he paused to listen for the footsteps again. But all he could hear was the lingering echo of his own. He opened his eyes again, releasing the vice grip he had imposed on them. Blinking vigorously, his vision seemed to glitch between Galra cruiser and castle of lions. He shook his head, trying to come to his senses. He desperately wanted to find someway, something, to ground himself with. He stooped down to the ground, dragging his palm along the coldness of the floor. His fingers made little circles, tracing the shapes several times. Though his head still seemed foggy, Shiro steadied himself and proceeded on. He still wasn’t exactly sure where he was or where he was headed, but he knew he needed to keep going–– it was his only option. 

As he wandered through the empty halls he heard a familiar sound, the sound of running water. He let himself follow it. It was soothing in a way, a completely mundane sound, a sound that wasn’t Galran. Shiro’s heart slowed to a steady pace. He knew now he was still in the castle, though it didn’t make the flashbacks any less real or disturbing. He continued to follow the running water until he reached the showers. The noise was coming from behind the doors, inviting Shiro inside. He contemplated going in, seeing who was there. Part of him desperately wanted to talk to someone, to have company. But the other part of him wanted to crumple into a heap right there in front of the doors. He was tired, so tired. He was tired of having to be ‘on’ all the time, of having to be strong. Shiro knew that if he showed signs of weakness, of fear, it would show the paladins that hope was a lost cause. Shiro knew the Galra better than any of them. He didn’t want them to know what he faced, hell, he couldn’t even tell Keith. He wrestled with himself and his own thoughts. There was this battle raging between strength and fear and he couldn’t tell who was winning. His mind wouldn’t stay quiet, it started to occur to him that it never might. Who was he to be strong? A hero? He was so afraid and so alone, but in this moment he began to realize that strength is admitting fear and going on in spite of it. He would go on in spite of it. 

He was still so tense, the anxiety gradually winding down. His body screamed at him to relax, knowing he should comply, he let the doors open. As he stepped inside he felt the cool damp floor against his feet, the water circling his toes. He breathed a sigh of relief. He was grateful to still be alive, to be in the castle of lions, to see Keith again. As his eyes scanned the room his gaze found the silhouette of a body slumped against the wall and spilling out onto the ground. The water from the shower was gently pelting the skin. Shiro stepped toward it, instantly recognizing the mass of tangled black hair. He stooped down, using his fingers to swipe the hair away from Keith’s face. He held him in his gaze, drinking in his features still muted by the dark. This Keith shaped heap in front of him breathed a sleepy sigh, releasing pent up tensions. Shiro cradled Keith’s head, scooping behind his neck. He grazed his thumb along the young man’s cheek, feeling the warmth, the wetness. He let his feet linger in the pooling water, crouching over Keith’s sleeping body, silently listening to his breath mingle with the rhythm of the pittering water. Keith’s eyes twitched, a small moan leaving his lips. Shiro smiled gently to himself, breathing a sigh of relief. He pushed his hands against his thighs, carefully rising from the shower floor–– just enough to shut the water off.

Shiro watched as the last droplets of water rolled away from the shower head, several beads dripping onto his face. As the water rolled down his forehead and onto his nose he followed, lowering his head to recapture Keith in his gaze. The droplets that desperately clung to his nose departed, landing on Keith’s forehead. He wrinkled his nose, reacting to the insignificant splash. He seemed so peaceful, so removed from all the tension, all the fear. Shiro contemplated moving him. He didn’t want to wake Keith, he wanted to let him have this undisturbed moment–– but he didn’t want to spend the night alone, not after what happened. Indulging his more selfish side, Shiro slid his hand under Keith’s thighs, still wet, still naked. He wrapped the other around Keith’s back, his hand resting beneath his arm. As He rose from the ground for the last time he groaned, the dead weight pressing against him. Keith’s head rolled to the side, landing softly against Shiro’s chest. He gave a light smile, sometimes the most mundane things were enough. Once again Shiro’s footsteps echoed through the empty halls, though this time with more weight. He was less paranoid this time, less afraid. Keith’s presence, his subtle breath was a measure of the present; it made him more mindful, more ‘here.’ He could feel Keith’s damp hair rub against his torso, imprinting onto his shirt. He relished this moment, simplicity made things bearable. 

Shiro stood at Keith’s door, waiting for it to open. He stepped over the threshold, Keith still draped in his arms. As he made his way toward the bed he noticed how barren Keith’s room was, how impersonal. For some reason it made him sad. He knew this Keith, the one afraid to settle, the one who only knew impermanence. Shiro frowned. He set Keith down into the bed. Shiro didn’t join him, not at first. He sunk to the floor, settling beside the bed next to Keith. He couldn’t hold back his tears. He understood. He understood all too well how Keith felt, what he was going through. He couldn’t help but feel guilty. He didn’t mean to leave Keith, and yet he felt so much anger–– anger toward himself. He knew in his heart that in some way, this was his fault. He knew the risks of the Kerberos mission, he knew Keith did, too. Keith wasn’t a kid, he understood the possibilities, but this reasoning didn’t stop Shiro from pondering his own feelings of self hatred. If he hadn’t have been so determined to be the hero all the time maybe none of this would’ve happened. He wouldn’t have been captured by the Galra, he wouldn’t have been tortured and enslaved, he wouldn’t have abandoned Keith. This weighed so heavy on him, ever since he crash landed back on earth. When he saw Keith for the first time after he rescued him he felt so much disbelief, he was afraid it was too good to be true, that it was some kind of sick torture cooked up by the Galra. Keith had waited for him, he believed he was out there. He should be grateful.

As he contemplated his own intrusive thoughts, his own self torture he began to feel as though he was letting Keith, letting Voltron down. How could he be a good leader, a strong leader if his mind wasn’t strong? He could barely handle the mere presence, the sight of captured Sendak. It sent him into a frenzy. Shiro closed his eyes, but all he saw were the gleaming pointed teeth, the yellow and cybernetic eyes of Sendak. He began to hyperventilate. His lungs pushing out more air than they could let in. He became tense, his whole body shook. He slumped over cradling his head in his hands, eyes wide as he stared at the floor. 

“Get out of my head, damn it!” He screamed, fist pounding the floor.

He tried to muffle his sobs, realizing he was breaking down. He felt a hand drop down beside him. It began to brush against his arm, tracing its shape.

“Shiro” a gentle, groggy voice broke through the heaviness.

“Keith…”

“I’m here, Shiro. It’s ok. Don’t leave, ok?”

Shiro turned to face Keith, pausing to rest his chin on the mattress. His eyes met Keith’s, their faces inches apart. Keith held out his hand, an invitation for Shiro to share his bed. Shiro hesitated. He felt like shit, like he had been on the receiving end of a punch. But Keith’s hand lingered. It was no longer an invitation, it was a command. Shiro contemplated the gesture, slowly inching toward the outstretched limb. Keith pulled him in close, embracing Shiro in an incredibly intimate hug, the kind reserved for those closest to you. He leaned into Keith’s chest, feeling the warmth between them, the markers of safety. He never wanted to let go. Keith could feel Shiro melt beside him, crawling into his bed and under the sheets. Normally Keith was the little spoon, but right now he knew Shiro needed the security. Keith brought his knees to meet the backs of Shiro’s, stopping to rest in the curve. He moved himself in close, wrapping his arms around Shiro’s waist, sliding his fingers into his. Shiro squeezed them tight. Keith smiled to himself, but it was a morose smile, he knew Shiro wasn’t himself. The rise and fall of Shiro’s chest signified a shift in his demeanor. He became more stable. He shifted his body closer to Keith, he wanted to feel the heat radiating between them. The hotness of Keith’s breath on the back of his neck brought him a sense of calm. Keith kissed him, his lips pressing against the nape. It was a tender kiss, the sort Shiro needed right now. He rolled his neck, a signifier for more. Keith obliged. Propping himself upon on his elbow, Keith leaned into Shiro, burying his face into the crook of Shiro’s neck. 

He began with open mouth kisses, letting the wetness condense on the exposed skin. Keith let his tongue loose from behind his teeth. Trailing along the curve of Shiro’s neck, he caused the skin to prickle. Keith felt the response and chuckled softly. Shiro let out a breathy sigh, asking Keith for more. Keith obliged. He repeated the motions over and over again, licking Shiro’s neck, sucking the flesh beneath his tongue as it trailed along. Each time he pulled away Shiro grabbed him, urging Keith to come back. When his lips left Shiro’s neck stands of saliva clung to his mouth, connecting them both. He continued to bite and kiss Shiro’s neck, moving his mouth along his square jaw. He could feel the older man clench his muscles, allowing for a release each time Keith drew closer to his mouth. When their lips finally met Shiro bit Keith’s bottom lip, tugging and sucking; tantalizing him, holding him prisoner. He pulled him in, one hand on the back of Keith’s neck, tangled into his hair, the other pressed against the small of his back. Both of their faces were flush. Shiro grabbed Keith tight, forcing his tongue into his mouth. Shiro grazed along the roof of Keith’s mouth, swirling his tongue to feel the inside of his cheeks. Keith jerked his head, relishing in the sensation. Their tongues skimmed one another, getting to know each other’s oral the topography. Keith rolled his hips, his his ass pressed against Shiro’s cock. He moaned. Shiro brought his hand around to cup Keith’s ass, squeezing the firm muscle under his hand. Keith moaned again.

“You’re such a good boy.”

Keith’s face turned red. He was enjoying this way too much. He pulled away from Shiro’s jaw. Shiro frowned, eyebrows knitting together in confused frustration.

“You’re holding out on me, baby. You were doing so well, don’t stop.”

Shiro’s desperate pleas turned Keith on even more. He could feel himself getting hard. He dove back into shiro’s neck, biting and licking, trailing down past his collar bones. He left bruises marking his territory, tantalizing Shiro. He tugged at Shiro’s shirt, urging him to take it off. Shiro obliged. Already dripping with sweat he peeled off his tank top, revealing his muscular frame. Keith could feel the heat on his cheeks as he admired Shiro’s physique. It didn’t matter how many times he saw it, it was incredible everytime. He dragged his mouth down Shiro’s chest, letting his tongue glide across his abs, down to his navel, and stopping right at the hem of Shiro’s boxers. He looked up at him, his eyes begging for Shiro’s permission.

 

“Shiro. I need it.” He groaned, rubbing his hand over Shiro’s erection.

“Not until you say please.” 

Keith pressed his head against Shiro’s stomach, taking a deep. He looked up at him once more.

“Please. Please, I’ve been so good.” He flicked his eyes upward, a look of pure agony on his face.

“Sure, baby.”

Shiro pulled down his boxers, his cock fully erect. Keith studied the slight curve of his penis, he grinned. Keith positioned himself between Shiro’s thighs, he began to stroke the shaft. He worked Shiro a bit, teasing him with his tongue. Keith dragged his tongue along the length, stopping at the tip. He circled his tongue, dancing it around the end. He cupped Shiro’s balls, massaging them as he toyed with him. Pre cum dripped from Shiro’s dick, covering Keith’s hand. Keith brought his fingers to his lips, sucking them clean. Shiro revelled in Keith’s teasing, but he needed more. He grabbed Keith’s hair, tugging it hard until he let out a soft yelp. He shoved his fingers in Keith’s mouth, urging him to suck them. He slid them in and out as Keith slowly took them in, pausing each time he reached a knuckle. 

“Good boy. I think you’ve earned it.”

Shiro guided Keith’s head back toward his cock. Keith parted his lips, allowing Shiro to slide inside. He worked his way along the shaft to the tip, making eye contact with Shiro, searching for approval. Once more Shiro yanked Keith’s hair, god it felt so damn good. Keith continued running the length of Shiro’s dick, feeling his body move beneath him. Shiro rolled his hips, his back arching as the waves of his orgasm rolled through him. He could feel the tightness beneath his navel, the shuddering in his body. He pulled Keith away by the hair, forcing him to watch as he came. He was punishing him by not cumming in Keith’s mouth, but he had other plans. He parried Keith, flipping him beneath him. With Keith trapped between his thighs he proceeded to jerk himself off, riding out the rest of the orgasm. He finally came, covering Keith’s face and chest. Laying beneath Shiro, Keith pulled him down to meet him. He grabbed him close, grazing a finger across his chest he swiped cum with his finger. He brought his hand to Shiro’s lips, forcing his digit into his mouth. Shiro sucked the length of Keith’s finger, mimicking Keith’s prior gesture, he stopped at each knuckle. As Shiro pulled away a string of saliva mixed with cum lingered between his mouth and Keith’s hand. Shiro bent down towards Keith’s chest. He began to drag his tongue along his cum splattered pectorals. Moving along the lean muscle, Shiro stopped at Keith’s nipple, gently sucking and pulling away. He looked into Keith’s eyes, a passionate calm radiating between them.

“You know, Keith? You’re really something.” 

Keith blushed. He wrapped his arms around Shiro’s neck, pulling himself up to meet him face to face. He stared at Shiro for a moment before dropping his head into the crook of his neck.

“I love you, Shiro.”

“I love you, too, Keith.”


End file.
